


Wingman Proposal

by youbuggme



Series: Wingmen For Life [3]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Multi, Wingman for Life, everyone is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 03:56:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4332957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youbuggme/pseuds/youbuggme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who needs a lover when you can have a brover?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wingman Proposal

**Author's Note:**

> This is ever expanding...how is this happening????  
> I hope you all are enjoying these fics and are on board because there are more to come. (It's really not a threat, I promise)  
> I'm thinking about doing some Origin Story type fics next. It'd be two of them depicting how Jaime and Theon (separately) screwed up. Thoughts Appreciated.

Tyrion walked into work that bright Wednesday morning expecting another simplistic, easy going day. Maybe he was still having issues in the IT department (actually, just one very drunk and sad, in love technician), but those were more social than business. Other than that, all he had to do was a relatively painless meeting with his sister and then he would be done for the day to do as he pleased. 

What he didn’t expect was to get a call during his more painful than anticipated meeting with his sister and he sure as hell wasn’t expecting it to be from brother’s long standing girlfriend. She was a delightful woman with a great sense of self-righteousness, but they only talked when in person with one another. 

“What can I do for you, Brienne?” Tyrion asked long after his sister, Cersei, was gone. Cersei didn’t like Brienne, probably a mixture of jealousy and spite. It was hard on Cersei to not be the only woman in Jaime’s life anymore. Understandable to some extent.

 _“Is Jaime there?”_ Brienne asked immediately. Always to the point. Tyrion admired that.

“No, I’m afraid not. He usually comes into work around eleven. Shouldn’t he still be at home with you?” Tyrion frowned staring at his wrist watch. It was only 9:37. Jaime never came in to work before eleven, saying he liked to have a late start. 

_“He stormed out early this morning.”_ Brienne didn’t elaborate and Tyrion didn’t ask further. _“I just want to make sure he isn’t doing something completely stupid.”_

“Well, I’ll check his office and get back to you if I do in fact find him.”

_“Thanks, Tyrion.”_

Brienne hung up and as Tyrion walked to his brother’s office he frowned deeply. Jaime was many things and could upset many people. Hell, he and Brienne got into many bickering spats, but he never stormed out on her. Tyrion often considered Brienne to be the best thing going on in Jaime’s life and Jaime wasn’t far from that line of thinking either.

Tyrion paused outside Jaime’s office. While the lights were off, the door was cracked open. Jaime usually locked it and only three other people had keys. Him, Cersei, and Brienne.

Tyrion pushed open the door carefully and walked in.

“Jaime?”

There was a shifting sound from the other side of the desk and Tyrion crept around the edge. There was a low and painful groan as two long legs stretched out to the side. Tyrion recognized the shoes.

“Jaime, what are you doing?”

Tyrion rounded the corner and froze. There was his brother, alright. Except the normally composed and secretive Jaime Lannister was nowhere to be found. Instead, there was an unrecognizable man wearing Jaime Lannister’s skin.

The man’s hair was like Jaime’s except unbrushed and sticking up. The eyes were certainly Jaime’s but they were clouded and surrounded by dark circles. The clothing was also his, but wrinkled, rumbled, and carrying an undeniable stench of booze.

“Little brother…” The man in Jaime’s skins sat up and gave Tyrion the most uncharacteristic and goofy smile. 

“Jaime…” Tyrion approached carefully, like he would an injured animal he didn’t want to startle. “What is going on?”

“I am a free man!” Jaime announced very vocally and proudly, although his eyes were still clouded with sadness.

“I see. Did something happen with Bri-”

_“Don’t say that name.”_

“Alright. Perfect.” Tyrion sighed. “Come on, then. You can’t be here. If father or Cersei find you, then-”

“I don’t want to see Cersei.” Jaime crossed his arms like a child. “I don’t want to go anywhere.”

“Well, you have to. You are very drunk and cannot stay here.” Tyrion helped Jaime up which was difficult considering the height difference.

“I’m not going home.” Jaime grumbled like a child. “I don’t live there anymore!”

Tyrion sighed loudly at Jaime’s refusals but groaned as he heard his phone ring. After resting Jaime on the desk in a standing position, Tyrion grabbed his phone. 

“What is it, Bronn? I’m kind of busy at the moment.” 

_“Well, we are having a bit of an issue with your favorite lab rat.”_

“Oh gods,” Tyrion wanted to punch something. “What did he do now?”

_“Singing. Don’t get me wrong, I love singing as much as the next bloke, but this one is pretty awful when loaded. Sad choice in music too. Hopefully, he won’t start crying.”_

“What do you mean loaded?” Dread sunk deep into Tyrion’s stomach.

_“I’m only assuming he is loaded based on the empty wine bottle he is using as a microphone.”_

“Gods.”

_“I figured you’d want to handle this one. What should I do?”_

“Shut him up and keep him there. I might as well take care of this too.”

_“No problem. One question though. Who is Robb Stark?”_

“You really don’t want to know. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Stay there. I’m going to need your help loading up my car.”

\--  
It usually only took Tyrion five minutes to get to the computer labs. He visited often enough to know. This time, however, it took nearly twenty minutes. He never had to drag the lumbering, drunk, string bean that was his brother. Plus, hiding from any of his family members made the usual walk much more taxing, especially consider the building was saturated with Lannisters. 

When he finally made it to the computer labs, he was slightly skeptical about the absolute silence on the floor. Bronn surely couldn’t have shut up the technician that effectively. 

Upon opening the door, Tyrion realized why Bronn was so successful. Bronn was leaning against one of the desks that filled the computer lab as he balanced an empty bottle on his hand. In the office chair that belong to the desk was the lab technician in question: Theon Greyjoy. He was taped to the chair. His wrists were bound to the arms of the chair and his legs were taped to the floor. A nasty piece of tape was stretched over the boy’s mouth and even capturing some of his hair. 

Bronn looked up and saw Tyrion’s eyes on the boy.

“Couldn’t shut him up any other way.” He shrugged. “Shall I release him?”

“Please.” Tyrion sighed as he let go of Jaime who stumbled to the nearest desk for support.

“What happened to your brother?” Bronn asked as he ripped the tape right off the boy’s face. He yelped loudly, his hands flying to his face.

“Drunk as well.” Tyrion walked over to Theon Greyjoy who was patting his face gingerly. “Theon, what is going on?”

Tyrion was dumb for expecting a reasonable answer. He knew that. He could tell by looking at the Greyjoy’s face that he was long gone. The smell of sweet wine only strengthened that thought.

“I’m not dating my best friend.” Theon Greyjoy spat out with disgust. He glared at Bronn some before continuing. “I’m not a fag. Now, is there a problem with your hard drive or what?” While the words came out clear, there was a certain drunken undertone. 

Bronn hackled at the boy’s now out stretched hand. 

Tyrion looked across the desk and then back up at the boy. “What happened to that bottle of Dornish Red I gave you?” He was dreading the answer. 

Only this morning, did Tyrion stop by the labs to console a disgruntled Theon. The boy was going through a rough time the past couple of days and he wanted to help him out. Drinking seemed to make the boy happier and forget his problems momentarily so he thought the wine would be a nice gift. He never anticipated for the boy to drink the entire thing in an hour.

The boy cracked a very stupid grin at Tyrion and pointed to the bottle beside Bronn. “I drank it. Idiot.” 

Jaime watched carefully with big eyes at Tyrion pulled at his hair. “That was for tonight, when you were home alone! Not here at work.”

Jaime, having made his way across the room, held out his hand to Theon. “Nice.” 

Theon high fived him with drunken vigor. Both left the high five with shit eating grins. Bronn looked amused by the entire situation.

“Great.” Tyrion sighed loudly, even though both of them ignored him. “You are both drunk and at work. Now, you will go home. Both of you.”

Theon seemed to be in agreement as he _slapped_ his laptop shut hard. Jaime threw Tyrion a deadly look.

“I am not going home. The wrench is there.”

Tyrion was not up for this. “You are going home, now, Jaime.”

“Bro,” Theon put a hand on Jaime’s shoulder to get his attention as well as lift himself from the office chair. “You can chill at my place. My Robb-” Theon’s face crumpled for a moment. “My _roommate_ moved out a couple of days ago.”

Jaime nodded his head and threw Tyrion a satisfied look. “I will take up that offer.”

“Dude!” Theon’s face seemed to have forgotten the mention of his troubles and was beaming at Jaime. “We are going to party.”

Tyrion wasn’t even going to argue with these two. Not when they were like this. “Fine. Come on, you two. We don’t want Cersei to see you.” Tyrion threw Bronn a pleading look as he grabbed Jaime and Bronn handed the wobbly Greyjoy.

\--  
Tyrion really couldn’t believe the sight before him. In the end, he had to take the entire day off to watch Jaime and Theon to make sure they didn’t fuck up in some glamorous way. 

On the way home, the two had insisted that if they were going to have to leave work because they were drunk, they were going to spend the rest of their day drunk. Tyrion didn’t even protest at this point and had brought them to the liquor store that they treated like a candy store, running down the aisles and depositing many bottles on the counter for the casher. Tyrion ended up paying for it with his father’s business card. Fuck him. 

They had managed to make it to the Greyjoy apartment that was still full despite his roommate being moved out. Then the drinking began. Before he knew it, it was ten o’clock in the evening and both were still shit face (Jaime vomited three times already and Greyjoy nearly forgot to go to the bathroom to take a piss twice). He was surprised to see the two drunkards getting along. They understandably had common ground. The two talked about their troubles and bitched about people in their life. It was a lovely sight. Tyrion had to force himself to remain sober to make sure nothing got to out of control. Plus, Bronn was on call. Even though both of them were piss drunk, they could still over power Tyrion.

“Theon,” Jaime murmured with a sight slur. They were seated beside each other on the couch while Tyrion remained in the armchair. “You are so cool, man.”

Theon beamed at this with a drunken smile. “You have got to be like the nicest guy out there.” Tyrion tried not to snort with laughter. “And that’s really hard because, like, Robb is-”

Jaime slapped his hand over Theon’s mouth a little too hard. "Shhh! We don’t say their names. We drink until they don’t exist.”

Jaime removed his hand and passed a bottle of vodka to Theon. He took a length sip. “Yeah.”

Jaime nuzzled back into the couch. “Who needs a woman when you have the best mate in the world?”

“Or a Robb.” Theon added, but took a drink quickly as if to wash out the name.

Jaime wrinkled his nose. “That’s just you, but yes. Who needs a lover when you can…when you can have a…shit…have a…” Jaime’s words died in his mouth as his face scrunched in concentration trying to think of the next word.

“A brover.” Theon supplied with too much ease. “Bro lover.” He fixed with a lazy smile.

Jaime didn’t seem to find the word as satisfying as Theon did. “Wingman.” Jaime decided after a while.

Theon’s eyes widened at the word. “You want me to be your wingman?” His voice had lost the drunken slur and had turned very serious.

Jaime suddenly looked very nervous. It was a new look for him. “I…I do.”

Theon sat up quickly on the couch as sat on his knees to bring himself to Jaime’s height. “Will you be my wingman then?”

“I will wear the title with honor.” Jaime vowed a little too sincerely. 

Theon grabbed Jaime’s shoulders tightly and shook his lightly. “We should have a ceremony!” He whispered excitedly.

Jaime looked like that was the best damn idea he had ever heard. “Yes. Yes! Tyrion,” Jaime turned to Tyrion and Tyrion was a bit surprised. He kind of thought the two drunks forgot about him during all of this. “You will be the notary.”

“I’m not even a notary, Jaime.”

Jaime’s face screwed up. “You’re not? You talk like one.” Theon nodded his head in agreement. 

“How do I talk like a notary? What do you imagine a notary to sound like?” Tyrion was too caught up with this tiny detail. 

“Are you going to bro marry us or not?” Theon crossed his arms disgruntled. “Because we can find _someone else_.”

“Oh, I will most definitely officiate this marriage.” Tyrion stood up quickly to walk before the two. He was not going to miss this opportunity. “Sobriety will be interesting.”

Theon and Jaime looked at each other with serious expressions. Theon spoke first.

“Wingmen for life, man. That’s what happens.”

Jaime nodded in agreement. “I certainly wouldn’t regret it. I mean, Theon is amazing.”

Theon’s hand rested over his heart. “Jaime, I’m touched.”

“Well, a Lannister never lies.” Jaime smiled brightly.

“I believe the saying is ‘a Lannister always pays his debts.’” Tyrion threw in. Jaime didn’t look put out by this at all.

“That too.”

Theon frowned suddenly, gathering the attention of both Lannisters. “We need rings.”

Jaime’s eyes widened. “He’s right, Tyrion. What are we going to do _without the rings_?”

Tyrion really couldn’t help from laughing. Jaime sounded so worried it was unbelievable consider when morning would come around both Jaime and Theon would be disgusted with themselves and each other. 

“I think the ceremony will still be official without them.” Tyrion put both at ease.

Jaime wasn’t ready to drop it yet. “We can go ring shopping tomorrow.” He whispered to Theon.

“Dude!”

Tyrion rolled his eyes. “Shall we begin then?” 

Both nodded they heads quickly and Tyrion began a lovely speech. It contained everything one would want in a Wingman Marriage. Talks of brotherhood, wingman ship, and no mention of Jaime’s significant other and Theon’s love. Absolutely perfect. 

When he finished up, he looked at Jaime and Theon expectantly. Theon was the first to act, holding out his fist. Jaime immediately understood, bumping it and sealing their Wingmanship for life. Tyrion was definitely not going to be dropping this anytime soon.


End file.
